This post is part of the "First Few Old Blog Posts" archive.
You could expect a certain lack of coherency/maturity from these posts.
Forgive me for being blatantly outright at the beginning but I must tell you that I believe I have endured more pain in my past than I would have thought possible. Pain that would leave scars which delude time ; memories that jump out of the blue to haunt what is left ; scrabbling to devour the last scraps of sanity left to feed the pain.
And what must one do then to go on?
Going on is a simple matter , don't mistake me. But what reply could you possibly have when you ask yourself "Why the fuck should you?"
Every action has a cause , every crime has a motive and at the end of the day , so does every life.
I wake up everyday not to the fresh morning air , but to the stark burden of reality. How many times I have found myself walking outside and realizing that it's really happening. I'm out there among everyone else. That this isn't some vivid dream or a thought turned into an image. Almost every step taken reminds me of a memory that I've long wanted to forget. But memories never do that , do they? At one point this crescendo of assaulting flashbacks traumatizes you so much that you push yourself to go sleep. Sleep ; where none of these evils can touch you. And then finally you realize that you've slept for almost the entire day. And every principle that you've built to utilize time productively has been thrown out of the window.
The key to my will propelling me forward is Philosophy. When you take away philosophy from me , is when I will find no difficulty in tying the noose again. But why philosophy? Because it is the only thing that adds a little meaning to a person's existence on earth. We buy coffee powder to make coffee. And that is the sole reason why coffee is powdered. If some power above is reserving us for a brew , I think we deserve the right to know whether it is tea or coffee.
What is the purpose of our existence?
I don't know. And that is why I cannot stop yet. I see my life as a race between this goal and death. The day someone cracks this final piece in the topology of understanding ourselves is when I will let myself guide my feet , instead of this desire. If I die before this happens then I will only find it sorry that my existence has come to an end without my knowledge consisting of why I ever existed in the first place. Why the universe bothered to instill life only to take it back without granting it this small gratification.
When you are such a philosopher , the meaning of every action changes. You don't see people walking in front of you anymore. What you see is countless unanswered questions instead. You question every event and every action until finally , you strip all meaning from the object itself and and you shrug , knowing that that cannot be correct , and so you start again , hoping to accommodate a better answer next time. And every theory thus formed gives you satisfaction as you inch one step further to reaching that last goal. The thought process of such a person is pitiful indeed. His sole motive being comprehension , he ends up questioning questions , theorizing on theories and searching to search. And even then , when he gets back up , you can clearly see the frustration on his face at having come nowhere close to the final piece.
He knows that he has been given life and whether he likes it or not , he must utilize this to the maximum by doing every act of good and standing by it. Take off your coat and give it someone in the cold. Is it so hard? Is it really so hard to oppose wrong and stand by it though it may compromise your position? He sees it as a duty , as a right when he was brought to life. But to what extent does his sense of judging what is right extend to? He knows this judgement is limited and so tries to expand it in every way possible by Philosophy. Do right , but first know what is right.
So what is Philosophy after all? What is this stupid thing that makes me live?
As Wikipedia says it , Philosophy is the study of general and fundamental problems, such as those connected with reality, existence, knowledge, values, reason, mind, and language. Problems approached by philosophy are done logically by applying reason , facts and evidence. Contrary to the stereotype that there can be infinite philosophies that can go against one and still appear rational , when two philosophies go against each other , one (or both) is usually wrong. Wordplay does not mask reason. By carefully approaching both philosophies , one (or both) can be ruled out. If not , then one (or both) is usually a fake philosophy
Fake philosophies are those which do not involve any form of logic , critical thinking , reason or some sort of relevant evidence in it's construction. I have the found the most reliable source of fake philosophies commonly as captions in Facebook profile pictures (those yolo swag fag types). You can't simply throw in some fancy words and expect your statement to be philosophically accurate. Again , a philosopher will always accept being proven wrong. He will be more interested in correcting his faulty statement rather than sadly brood over being wrong.
A problem that I face as a philosopher is that it is extremely hard to convert experiences into words. This problem is very common since most philosophies originate from certain experiences. We deliberately walk in the dark , trying to figure out why people are afraid of it. And then if we finally do strike upon some sort of meaning , we find it hard to convey this feeling of elation into words. Trying to see everything in a different light , that is our curse. You take a walk in the streets. Humans turn into storehouses of information. Buses turn into means for these piles of information to save energy and money. Money turn into pieces of paper that has this strange power to get you what you need.
I envy those who do not need to understand more to move along in life. They say "who cares?" to every small question. It only fascinates me how they do so. I am not saying that such people are wrong , or ignorant or stupid. They are a different type of human. A type that will probably lead a more satisfied life. I call such people realists. They do not explore the intimidating limit of imagination. They don't like to guess as much as they like to prove. If only I had their mindset to console me , it would save me from this eternal frustration of trying to find answers all around.
It is indeed a trying state when you form theories about life every night before you sleep: hoping that life is an experiment in which some scientists threw you into a small virtual world with artificial robots all around pretending to be humans. Hoping that someday , a person will finally come up to you and say what enduring those days and nights finally meant.
I hope this post doesn't appear to be funny , strange or exaggerated because it wasn't written in such a mindset.
Quote : "Fuck you world , I'm alive"
EDIT : I was sorta depressed when I wrote this post. Do not judge me too harshly.
Also , thanks to Adithya for clearing out all the bazillion mistakes in my post. He's awesome.
You could expect a certain lack of coherency/maturity from these posts.
Forgive me for being blatantly outright at the beginning but I must tell you that I believe I have endured more pain in my past than I would have thought possible. Pain that would leave scars which delude time ; memories that jump out of the blue to haunt what is left ; scrabbling to devour the last scraps of sanity left to feed the pain.
And what must one do then to go on?
Going on is a simple matter , don't mistake me. But what reply could you possibly have when you ask yourself "Why the fuck should you?"
Every action has a cause , every crime has a motive and at the end of the day , so does every life.
I wake up everyday not to the fresh morning air , but to the stark burden of reality. How many times I have found myself walking outside and realizing that it's really happening. I'm out there among everyone else. That this isn't some vivid dream or a thought turned into an image. Almost every step taken reminds me of a memory that I've long wanted to forget. But memories never do that , do they? At one point this crescendo of assaulting flashbacks traumatizes you so much that you push yourself to go sleep. Sleep ; where none of these evils can touch you. And then finally you realize that you've slept for almost the entire day. And every principle that you've built to utilize time productively has been thrown out of the window.
The key to my will propelling me forward is Philosophy. When you take away philosophy from me , is when I will find no difficulty in tying the noose again. But why philosophy? Because it is the only thing that adds a little meaning to a person's existence on earth. We buy coffee powder to make coffee. And that is the sole reason why coffee is powdered. If some power above is reserving us for a brew , I think we deserve the right to know whether it is tea or coffee.
What is the purpose of our existence?
I don't know. And that is why I cannot stop yet. I see my life as a race between this goal and death. The day someone cracks this final piece in the topology of understanding ourselves is when I will let myself guide my feet , instead of this desire. If I die before this happens then I will only find it sorry that my existence has come to an end without my knowledge consisting of why I ever existed in the first place. Why the universe bothered to instill life only to take it back without granting it this small gratification.
When you are such a philosopher , the meaning of every action changes. You don't see people walking in front of you anymore. What you see is countless unanswered questions instead. You question every event and every action until finally , you strip all meaning from the object itself and and you shrug , knowing that that cannot be correct , and so you start again , hoping to accommodate a better answer next time. And every theory thus formed gives you satisfaction as you inch one step further to reaching that last goal. The thought process of such a person is pitiful indeed. His sole motive being comprehension , he ends up questioning questions , theorizing on theories and searching to search. And even then , when he gets back up , you can clearly see the frustration on his face at having come nowhere close to the final piece.
He knows that he has been given life and whether he likes it or not , he must utilize this to the maximum by doing every act of good and standing by it. Take off your coat and give it someone in the cold. Is it so hard? Is it really so hard to oppose wrong and stand by it though it may compromise your position? He sees it as a duty , as a right when he was brought to life. But to what extent does his sense of judging what is right extend to? He knows this judgement is limited and so tries to expand it in every way possible by Philosophy. Do right , but first know what is right.
So what is Philosophy after all? What is this stupid thing that makes me live?
As Wikipedia says it , Philosophy is the study of general and fundamental problems, such as those connected with reality, existence, knowledge, values, reason, mind, and language. Problems approached by philosophy are done logically by applying reason , facts and evidence. Contrary to the stereotype that there can be infinite philosophies that can go against one and still appear rational , when two philosophies go against each other , one (or both) is usually wrong. Wordplay does not mask reason. By carefully approaching both philosophies , one (or both) can be ruled out. If not , then one (or both) is usually a fake philosophy
Fake philosophies are those which do not involve any form of logic , critical thinking , reason or some sort of relevant evidence in it's construction. I have the found the most reliable source of fake philosophies commonly as captions in Facebook profile pictures (those yolo swag fag types). You can't simply throw in some fancy words and expect your statement to be philosophically accurate. Again , a philosopher will always accept being proven wrong. He will be more interested in correcting his faulty statement rather than sadly brood over being wrong.
A problem that I face as a philosopher is that it is extremely hard to convert experiences into words. This problem is very common since most philosophies originate from certain experiences. We deliberately walk in the dark , trying to figure out why people are afraid of it. And then if we finally do strike upon some sort of meaning , we find it hard to convey this feeling of elation into words. Trying to see everything in a different light , that is our curse. You take a walk in the streets. Humans turn into storehouses of information. Buses turn into means for these piles of information to save energy and money. Money turn into pieces of paper that has this strange power to get you what you need.
I envy those who do not need to understand more to move along in life. They say "who cares?" to every small question. It only fascinates me how they do so. I am not saying that such people are wrong , or ignorant or stupid. They are a different type of human. A type that will probably lead a more satisfied life. I call such people realists. They do not explore the intimidating limit of imagination. They don't like to guess as much as they like to prove. If only I had their mindset to console me , it would save me from this eternal frustration of trying to find answers all around.
It is indeed a trying state when you form theories about life every night before you sleep: hoping that life is an experiment in which some scientists threw you into a small virtual world with artificial robots all around pretending to be humans. Hoping that someday , a person will finally come up to you and say what enduring those days and nights finally meant.
I hope this post doesn't appear to be funny , strange or exaggerated because it wasn't written in such a mindset.
Quote : "Fuck you world , I'm alive"
EDIT : I was sorta depressed when I wrote this post. Do not judge me too harshly.
Also , thanks to Adithya for clearing out all the bazillion mistakes in my post. He's awesome.
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